Sometimes we despair at her ever being capable of showing empathy. I know she's only 4 and a half but she can run past a crying Ned with barely a sideways glance or accidentally knock something over and completely ignore it. And then things happen which make us realise that actually, bit by bit, she is getting it.

1) Belle was having a right strop. I can't even remember why, probably because hubby was giving her breakfast whilst I showered rather than the other way around. Anyway there were tears and wails and general 3 year old behaviour (or behaviour we hoped we'd left behind when she was 3 anyway). They sat up at the kitchen breakfast bar and hubby gave them both their china Peter Rabbit bowls that they were given for their dedications*. Ned picked his up, slipped and it fell to the floor and smashed. Belle stopped crying in a second.

Belle: Oh poor Ned. Here, you can have mine. I don't mind just having my other bowl. Don't worry about it.

Hubby: Well that's an expensive way of restoring peace.

2) The original plan for last weekend was to go to McDonalds for Ned's birthday on the Saturday, thereby limiting the amount of junk food eaten in one day. Then Belle was invited to a party by a girl at school. I discussed it with hubby without even letting Belle know about the invitation. I'm reluctant for her to assume she can go to every party she's invited to; we have to have some degree of family life after all. But I wanted us to decide beforehand what we wanted to do and then present her with it; we decided that, as she's new to the school and these are new friends, we'd let her go to the party and re-arrange Ned's lunch. I told her she'd had an invitation for Saturday lunchtime. She looked concerned.

"Well, I'll ask Ned if he minds. If he is OK with having his birthday meal a different time then I'll go to the party. But if he wants to have his meal that lunchtime then maybe we can just ask F's mummy if I can come to the party late. It is his birthday and he must choose".

I was so impressed. I thought she'd be insisting on the party and take no account of Ned's feelings at all. **

*More or less like a christning for those not well-versed in low church activities...

** It doesn't always work. this morning my mother arrived, fresh off the plane and bringing birthday gifts. Belle looked at the Bob the Builder kit. "Huh? Where's Wendy? It's not much good without Wendy".